Co-author and stories by: Leah Zimmerman.
As people, we have a deep need to contribute. We want to make an impact at home, at work and throughout our lives. To make an impact, it is critical for us to use our voices and be heard. Using our voice is not simply speaking up or sharing our ideas in writing, it’s adding ourselves to the conversation and dynamic. Let’s explore how to find and use our voice, as well as strive to be heard when we share our voice. We have included a few personal examples throughout the article to highlight these ideas.
One day in 5th grade, I noticed the teacher being unusually unkind to my best friend. The teacher was normally kind to all the children in class and my friend was one of the top students. So, something definitely felt wrong. The teacher called her, “Blondie!” and yelled at her. I stayed quiet and did not do anything to intervene, and for that I have carried immense guilt.
The teacher eventually shared that she had pre-arranged the exercise with my friend and her family. She had designed the exercise to launch our study of the Holocaust.
Just a couple of years ago, I saw my teacher for the first time in almost 30 years. She reminded me that I HAD spoken up! Then why did I remember feeling so powerless in that situation? From my conversation with her, I realized that it’s one thing to speak and another to feel your empowered voice. Just because I spoke, didn’t mean I felt heard.
We have all experienced situations when we didn’t have a voice, influence, or the ability to impact. This could range from not speaking up in a meeting, not sharing your experience on a team project, taking a backseat in a conversation, losing opportunities by stepping into the background, not sharing your best self with those around you, or keeping your greatest ideas silent. What is the consequence of not using your voice? What do you lose? What do others lose?
If you don’t use your voice, it is everyone’s loss. The biggest impact is to you. It lowers your engagement and connection to the task and the team. If you don’t fully contribute, it limits your creativity and empowerment. You may even feel despondent, repressed, or empty if you hold back too much. The impact doesn’t stop with you. Without your voice and input, the team and organization miss out too. They don’t have the opportunity to hear your great ideas and build upon them. They lose the unique perspective that only you can offer and therefore the results of the team are lowered. With this much at stake, why is it hard to find your voice? Why are you censoring yourself, holding back, or not truly being heard?
There are many reasons why it can be difficult to use your voice. The explanations behind why this occurs are unique to each of us. Some reasons are rooted in our background, history, and individual experiences. Think about each of these possible explanations and determine if any are underlying causes for you.
Lack of role models – not regularly seeing others clearly demonstrate the ability and result of using their voice.
Early experiences – power dynamics at an early age that reinforced adults having power and voice and children seen but not heard.
School architecture – traditional school structure highlights conformity and detours self-advocating.
Concern for being labeled – personally, or experienced others, being labeled as “angry”, “opinionated”, “too strong-minded”, or “aggressive” if you spoke up or strongly promoted your ideas.
Fear of the response – fear that others may not appreciate your ideas or react unfavorably to your comments.
Rewarded for not using your voice – those around you reinforce and value quiet agreement and minimal diverse perspectives.
Your rationale for not using your voice could be any one of these, a combination of several, or another root cause. What is stopping you? To use your voice and be heard, the first step is to dig into the reasons holding you back and clearly identify what stops you from contributing.
My family respected musicianship and valued how well I could sing in tune. My grandmother was often persnickety about how I sounded. She and others corrected me so often that I unconsciously developed ways of controlling my voice while I sang. Part of me thought it would protect me from hitting the wrong notes. But the tension, control, and lack of confidence actually took me off pitch. I had no idea I was doing it or how to release that tension and control. My fear of criticism for singing off tune created the exact problem I was trying to avoid.
This showed up in regular speaking as well, I was interrupted easily, argued with, and put down in conversation. Although I spoke up when I had something to say, I didn’t feel I could be heard. I developed strategies for speaking that were noncommittal so I couldn’t be challenged or judged. I mumbled and dropped the end of sentences. I talked in running and non-stop paragraphs, all as defense against being interrupted or disagreed with.
Once you have identified the impact of not using your voice and what is holding you back from using your voice, then you can activate some tools and tips to help you use your voice more often. Using your voice takes practice, stepping out of your comfort zone and building new muscles. A first step is often letting go of the old and getting out of your own way. Let go of past bad experiences or negative self-talk. This could include letting go of an old image of yourself as someone who doesn’t fully engage. Then, look for new models who use their voice effectively and are fully heard by others. Also, listen to others first and understanding their perspectives and ideas; by doing so, they will be more willing to listen and hear yours. Build relationships and trust with those around you. Network and socialize your ideas prior to walking into the room. Foster relationships with key stakeholders and enlist support for your ideas, making it easier for you to share in larger groups. Start looking for opportunities to use your voice. Identify low risk openings or begin small and expand from there. Be resilient; keep stretching these new behaviors.
As a young 22-year-old teacher in an New York City first grade classroom, I struggled with classroom management. Parents who saw my potential invited me to a workshop at their acting studio. Since I aspired in theater as well, it sounded fun. I had no idea the change that awaited me.
There I was asked to speak to each of the participants in the audience with the conviction that would get them to respond to me. The facilitator created an open environment and I gave myself the permission to be big, take up space, be loud, expand my voice, and demand conviction. By the end, I was standing on boxes, tall, wide and had everyone in the audience on their chairs. I saw the positive impact I had on others. I couldn’t bring all of that back to the classroom, but it started a transformative process that continues today. I continue to grow my presence, my voice, my convictions, and my ability to impact others.
As we speak up and are heard, what does it look and feel like to use our voice? Using your voice and truly being heard can be high energy or a calm confidence. It could be finding your voice as a leader. What is your leadership style and how will your voice and sharing your ideas be a part of that? Or it could be become influential regardless of your position or title. It’s putting your ideas and perspectives on the table and sharing the unique expertise you have that no one else can contribute. It is allowing yourself to be fully engaged within the conversation rather than on the outside of the conversation. What does wholly using your voice look and feel like to you?
Using my voice is speaking in a way that other people can hear. Being influential, earning trust, and speaking in a positive way even if it risks disagreement or challenge.
Finally, when do you use your voice? There are endless possibilities for you to lean forward and input your words into the discussion. To have to most impact, start with topics you are passionate about or have expertise in. Use your voice when you want things to change, when you want to move the dialog to a new place, if out of the box thinking is needed, when key data is being overlooked, or even when you have a conflicting perspective. Ask yourself, how could each of these situations be different if I was heard? Start where you feel most comfortable and with people you trust, build these skills, and practice. Then push yourself to use your voice even in areas where you don’t feel as comfortable. Keep identifying ways to share your voice and put your ideas forward. The more you speak up and share your thoughts, the easier it will become.
Find moments to use your voice this week. The ripple of your voice could impact well beyond those you share it with. You could impact co-workers, teams, products, outcomes, and decisions by using your voice.
** This article is the third in a series of twelve addressing common leadership questions. These questions and challenges touch leaders at all levels and transcend industries. The article series provides valuable information and action steps for leaders to take their skills and teams to the next level. Click here to read the full series.
Author’s Note: Special thanks to Leah Zimmerman for leading sharing her voice, stories and passion for helping others grow into themselves and for her generous contribution in co-authoring this article.